After doing a poll on my social media accounts, it seems that asking for help is harder than saying you love someone, apologizing, or admitting that you're wrong. If you think back throughout your life, you will likely find that you've offered and helped many people for various reasons. You may have even helped strangers that you knew wouldn't give you anything in return. So, why is it so hard for us to be on the receiving end of the help?
Reasons Why You May Struggle to Ask for Help
Avoiding Vulnerability: One of the hardest things in the world to be is vulnerable. Nobody wants to subject themselves to being emotionally wounded or open to criticism, but it is often necessary. Admitting that you need help may feel like you are exposing a weakness, which may cause you to conceal your need.
Do Not Want to Be a Burden: In a world where everyone seems endlessly busy (or so they say), asking for help may feel like you're going to be a burden. Nobody wants to feel like they are adding to someone's to-do list or overwhelming someone, especially those we love and care about.
Giving Up Control: When you ask someone for help, it may mean giving up control over whatever you're dealing with or working on. And that can be scary to do. Releasing the reigns over something important to you will always take work.
Not Wanting to Be Seen as Needy: We love a good "got it out the mud" or "started from the bottom" story. There is a lot of praise for people who complete projects and acquire success independently. Many consider being needy in relationships a bad trait, so avoiding actions that may land you with that title makes sense.
Afraid of Rejection: Although it's an inevitable part of life, nobody likes to be told "no." The thought of breaking down and asking for help, then being rejected is not pleasant. Rejection never feels great, and everyone has done something to avoid it at some point.
How to Get Better at Asking for Help
It takes practice to get better at anything. Your first time asking for help may be scary if you've always avoided it. Here are three tips that may help:
Start Small: Don't let your first time asking for help be something huge, like helping you move. Ask for a small favor here and there to get used to the feeling. This favor could be asking a friend to carry your bag if your hands are full or asking a stranger to hold the elevator for you when you're running late. Small wins are still wins, and they help you to build confidence in situations where you may need more help.
Don't Demand Help: It isn't always what you say; sometimes, it is how you say it. If you need help with a large task, it can be overwhelming to ask for it. Do not demand anyone's assistance. It is best to state your need, how they can help, and express your gratitude in advance. Sometimes, you may even want to ask them how they feel they can help you. Sometimes, people only have so much to offer, and letting them set the boundary on it may set you up for a better outcome.
Check Your Circle: If you are constantly in fear of the people in your circle rejecting your requests for help, it may mean that you're surrounded by the wrong people. It is important to ensure that we choose our circle wisely. Your support team should be people that want the best for you and vice versa. Having a sound circle of people you can trust helps immensely with the fear of asking for help.
Relying on someone else is never easy, but reaching out is vital when you need help. Being overly stressed, depressed, or drowning in responsibilities all the time is detrimental to your mental and physical health. It is truly beneficial to allow others to assist you. And also, allowing others to help you can strengthen and deepen your bond with them. Collaboration has often led to many great things, so it is worthwhile to open yourself up to the possibilities of it.
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