TikTok & Twitter "Therapists": Everything Doesn't Need to Be Therapized!

There's a new trend of wanting to put a name on every feeling or situation we experience. It feels like we are no longer able to have certain emotions or feelings without them being explained with therapy-speak. Everyone turns on their cameras to tell us about their lives, give us advice, and tell us what they believe to be helpful information. Every other post or video is riddled with words like narcissist, trauma, attachment style, or some long, drawn-out explanation about why you may have made a particular decision in your life. A very black-and-white school of thought is attached to all of this.

It's okay to pass along gems of knowledge you acquire on your life journey here and there. However, everything you see and hear online isn't true or applicable, and blindly believing unqualified individuals could be to your detriment.

The Appeal of Social Media "Therapy Talk" on TikTok & Twitter

In the era of digital storytelling, it's no wonder that the raw, often unfiltered, narratives about mental health on platforms like TikTok, YouTube, Twitter, and Instagram resonate with millions. We now have regular, everyday people sharing their experiences openly and attempting to offer advice to others. These influencers often create a sense of community for people longing to belong. It can be comforting to feel you are not alone and aren't the only one with a particular experience. While that can be a positive factor, the other side is that no two people are exactly alike. Our experiences will always differ from anyone else's, so it's not always wise to do what someone else has done and expect the same results.

Your Ex Probably Wasn't a Narcissist!

The word "narcissist" is probably one of the most overused words on social media these days, especially on TikTok. Everyone thinks their ex-partner or ex-friend is a narcissist. It is insanely important to do your research about things. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is very rare. Research says that it's only about 0.5 to 5% of people in the United States. While it is widely noted that lots of people never seek help to get diagnosed with mental health conditions, it's probably safe to say that not everybody's ex has this disorder. Most people have some narcissist traits, even the people who post these types of takes.

Posting video after video for engagement and likes is narcissistic. If you post selfies, pictures of your outfits, recaps of your weekend or life all the time, that's narcissistic, too. After all, why are you sharing if it's not to get validation or feedback from others? It's the same thing when you update your Twitter or Facebook with details of your life, whether for laughs or feedback. Also, human beings are inherently selfish, and we often choose what's best for us even when it doesn't bode well for the others around us. Anything that could be described as self-indulgent has twinges of narcissism in it. Does that mean you are a textbook narcissist? Absolutely not.

So, while I don't doubt that your ex did you wrong and may have even had some narcissistic traits, it's probably unlikely that they were indeed a narcissist. There are so many potential reasons why a person behaves poorly. And honestly, it doesn't even matter why sometimes. If their behavior is unsatisfactory to you, that's all you need to know. Let's normalize not diagnosing people with narcissistic personality disorder with no proof and accept that some people are just not good people. And it is okay to admit that without attaching a diagnosis to it.

"It's a Trauma Response!"

As someone who has gone to therapy for many years, I understand that we all have trauma. And I also realize that trauma manifests in different ways in different people. However, everything we do isn't a trauma response. Sometimes, we consciously make decisions because that's what we want at the time, and we feel like what we want outweighs any possible consequences. When your homegirl keeps messing with Jamal, and he isn't acting right, could it be a reflection of her trauma and low self-esteem? Possibly. Or she may just really like him and not care about things other people might care about. And simply, we just like who we like sometimes. If you are not attracted to the man that is obsessed with you. It isn't necessarily because your parents never showed you love and you only want people who don't want you. The man might just be unattractive to you, and that's okay!

The human experience is unique from person to person, and the choices we make reflect where we are in that experience. I've made some decisions that made other people scratch their heads, but I knew exactly what I was doing and why I was doing it. There was no trauma response. It was what I wanted to do at that moment. Nobody makes great decisions all the time, and I'm not going to lie, sometimes those "bad" decisions can have some fun outcomes. It's all a part of life and living. We should all deal with our trauma, yes, but understand that not everything needs a deeper explanation. Sometimes, it just is what it is.

"He or She Don't Like You!"

This phrase is often repeated on social media in response to anything that doesn't go how we want in a relationship. I'm not exactly sure where this started, but it is annoying. People are not monoliths. Everyone has had their own life experiences that have shaped the way they are. A person being emotionally unavailable is not a reflection of the person they are dating. Suppose a person lets their emotional unavailability cause them to mistreat you. In that case, they are not a good dating prospect, and it's not about you at all. And they would likely be that way regardless of who they are dating.

While this can happen on either side, I notice this mostly with women. And it stems from women being conditioned to have Cinderella Syndrome. We are taught that if a man wants you, he will drop everything to be whatever you need him to be, which is just as much of a fairytale as Cinderella is. A man who has unhealed trauma and no drive to fix it will not be a good partner to anyone. He will struggle to be vulnerable. He may shy away from true intimacy. There may also be a strong reluctance to commit. And all that has nothing to do with the woman he's dating. And I know you've heard the "He committed to her but wouldn't commit to me!" story. Well, are your requirements the same as hers? Is she putting up with stuff that you wouldn't? Is she giving him money? Is she turning tricks like a hooker in a back alley every night? Who knows what goes on behind the scenes? All you need to know is that he has emotional issues; for that reason, he's not a good choice for you, and that has nothing to do with whether he liked you. A title would not have made him a better man.

And I might catch some heat for this, but if you have female friends who love telling you how much some man doesn't like you, you may need to check your sis. Haters lurk among us, and she might just be enjoying your pain a little bit too much. I never do this to my friends because it's counterproductive and negative. There are other ways to give your friend solid advice without telling her repeatedly how much someone doesn't like her in response to his bad behavior, especially when you can't confirm or deny what he likes or doesn't like. There are layers to "like," and again, someone liking you doesn't mean you will get everything you want. It simply means they like you and will do whatever they see fit to do in that situation. If their behavior is not to your liking, you know you need to move around.

The Great Dating Debate!

Whether it's discussing attachment styles, self-esteem, 50/50, sex, or where to go on the first date, this conversation is exhausting! While there are some fundamentals in dating, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to your dating woes. What works for one person may not work for another. Everyone is sitting on social media listening to random people tell them what they should and shouldn't want or do in relationships. People buy into it because they back it up with a bit of therapy-speak.

I can't count the times I've seen a conventionally attractive woman giving out some frivolous advice about how she handles men and seeing people who are nothing like her eating it up. The dating world looks different for everyone. If someone is super attractive, they will have different options than someone who is not; therefore, the dating advice would differ for both individuals. A man with a lot of money can pull a different caliber of a woman than a man without money. So again, what works for a rich man may not work for a man with average funds. Letting people direct your dating life without being in your shoes is silly. And dealbreakers are not the same for everyone, so leaving your relationship because TikTok told you to is insane.

So, if you want to go 50/50 with your partner and it works for y'all, do that. If you're a hood girl and want a hood guy, do that. If a great date for you is eating good food in a park, do that. If you want to have sex on the first date, do that. There are no guarantees in dating anyway. Understanding yourself and having self-awareness will save people from many dating woes. And you do not need social media to do that.

Do You!

In no way is this blog encouraging anyone to stay in abusive or harmful situations. It's just to encourage people to think for themselves. All of the therapy talk on social media can be overwhelming. Some people have said that they began to struggle with trusting themselves to make decisions after being bombarded with so much unsolicited information. You have to remember that when most people give advice, they do so through their own understanding. Your life is yours, and you can make it whatever you want. The human experience on Earth is unique to each individual, and it's essential to stay true to your desires and needs, no matter what TikTok and Twitter tell you to do.