Shut the F**k Up!

In life, one of the biggest lessons I've learned is to shut the f**ck up! I know this sounds crazy, but it is a huge key to knowing exactly what you want and getting stuff done.

I love to talk things out when I have a lot going on in my head, but sometimes I can overdo it. When you're consistently blabbing about things, it can trick the mind into feeling like you're doing something about the problem when you're not. Having a discussion with a friend may be a good start, but it is important to learn to rely on yourself. And not to mention receiving unsolicited advice and commentary can be frustrating.

Here are some situations where I've learned to shut up:

Setting Goals

It's perfectly fine to have a little help in deciding what your next move might be. However, throughout life, we've all probably set 10,000 goals but didn't complete most of them. Not because we aren't capable but because we are constantly evolving. What sounded like a great idea two months ago may sound different now. One day, you want to lose 50 lbs., then you want to backpack through Europe, and then next week, you're going to start a business. All these are wonderful goals, but once you say this out loud to everyone, all eyes will be on you to see if you follow through. Those eyes can be motivation for some, but a lot of times, it's just annoying to have someone ask you six months later if you started that business. And you know they're being shady when they ask too. Now, you're mad because they asked!

As an ever-changing person, I have random brilliant ideas that don't pan out. I'm going through a transitional period in my life where I have a lot of decisions to make. I've entertained many options, resulting in my friends and associates asking me about those decisions later. And then I feel crunchy having to explain to them that I never did that or don't see myself doing that now. If you're not careful, you can let that pressure push you into pursuing and doing things you don't even want to do anymore. So, I have learned to shut the f**k up until my goals are more concrete.

Job Hunting

I've done a lot of job hunting over the last couple of years. If you've been in the job market lately, you know it absolutely sucks. There are fake job listings, scammers, people that don't show up for interviews, ghosting after interviews, hundreds of rejections, and more. It becomes super frustrating after a while. And it becomes even more troublesome when you involve your friends and family in every lead you get. I would get my hopes up about a position and tell my friends all about it. Then, I'd get rejected or never hear back about the job. It would bum me out. I wouldn't want to talk about it anymore, but because I had told my friends I had to deal with "Did you hear back?", "What happened with that job?". And I had to relive my feelings of rejection all over again.

People are naturally curious and a little nosy when you tell them about what you have going on, so they will ask questions. They are not considering how you may feel being asked about a dead-end situation, so it pays to just shut up until you know for sure. And if you are asking the questions, know that your loved one would have informed you if they had great news to share. It's okay for yall to be quiet sometimes too.

Relationships…Romantic & Platonic

Most people already adhere to this rule when it comes to their significant other. However, we all fall short sometimes, and the group chat has to hear about how tired you are of Jamal this week or how Keisha has been getting on your nerves every day. And the issue with that is when Jamal and Keisha get back on your good side, your friends still feel some kind of way, right? Now it's "I thought you were gonna stop talking to so and so?" Deep sigh.

This also applies to friendships. Friendships have ups and downs. We don't like everyone all the time, but once you invite other people into the situation, they want to know what happened. This isn't to say you should never ask for advice, but in some cases, you just need to keep things to yourself. People tend to offer biased opinions once they know about issues in your relationships. Feelings come and go. If you're mad today but fine tomorrow… that's between you and that person.

And obviously, I am not suggesting that people hide abuse, violence, or any other horrific act that can occur in relationships. In those cases, scream it from the mountaintop.

When Making Big Decisions

Again, seeking counsel from loved ones, a counselor, or someone you trust when you need advice is a good idea. However, I've learned the hard way that it's also important to keep quiet in the process of making big decisions at times. The more people involved, the more things you may feel the need to consider. I can look back on my life and see points where I made decisions based on what other people said, which usually didn't work out well. I realized that talking to people about every little step of the journey made it harder for me to hear my own voice. When I would be by myself contemplating whatever decision I needed to make, I would hear everyone else's thoughts and opinions along with mine. Sometimes, all I need to hear is my voice and whatever God is trying to teach me in those moments.

To Sum it Up…

We all have our trusted confidants, which are very needed in certain instances. There are just times when you need to keep things to yourself. It's nothing personal against them, and it's not about downplaying the validity of their advice. You just need to quiet outside noise so that you can take some of your L's in private and focus on what's happening inside your head.

If you feel the spirit of the hush rising up, let it wash over you. Amen!