Dear Ma...

I just wanted to share the letter that I wrote for my mom's program. I didn't have it in me to stand up and speak, but my pen is always ready.

Dear Ma,

It’s your youngest. The rebel. The one that’s probably responsible for a lot of your gray hairs.

I feel like the sun doesn’t shine the same anymore. I feel like I’ve lost a part of me. I probably didn’t say how much I cared as much as I should have. I love you with my whole heart though. Thank God for giving me the chance to tell you during those phone calls we had while you were in the hospital. It meant the world to me that I was your “counselor,” and you called me for a shoulder to lean on. Some of those calls consisted of us sitting on the phone, saying nothing, but just to hear you breathing was enough for me.

We had our ups and downs, but I felt like we were growing closer, and that made me happy. We had more conversations about life, my future plans, and just how annoying men really are. You were so proud of me when I got my new job. That meant more to me than you probably knew. All I’ve ever wanted was to make you and Daddy proud. Y’all have given us so much. My goal was to get rich, then buy y’all the house of your dreams. I wanted you to have a chef, a maid, and whatever else you needed. I guess you’ve gotten your beautiful new home, Ma. It just isn’t here on Earth, and your baby girl is struggling.

I miss your loud laugh, biting sense of humor, sparkling smile, prayers, style, grace, giving nature, cooking, that pound cake, smelling your perfume, seeing you sitting with Daddy on the couch, the way you would look at me when I got an attitude, you telling me how I was going to get pneumonia in my “you know what” from wearing mini-skirts, setting Kristin up to get in trouble for my amusement, and then you reminding us that we were “too old” to be acting like that. I could go on all day about the great things about you. When someone says, I’m funny, pretty, got nice legs or a nice smile, I’m quick to tell them, “I get it from my mama,” because you were all of that and more. There’s no mystery why so many people love you and were praying for you, Ma.

But no matter what we desire, God always has the final say. And we have to accept that with broken hearts. We will carry on because that’s what you would want. Kristin and I will take care of Daddy. We can’t do it like you, but we’re trying. I will honor you forever by keeping God first and being the lady you raised me to be. I love you deep, and I will miss you every day. Rest well, Ma.

Love You Forever,

“Baby Girl”